Minute 3: What I've Learned In College

(A note from Arlin: Once again, this blog is not written by Andy Anderson... That's just a pseudonym for reasons that don't make sense for me to explain. Anyway, enjoy :)

Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. Today is Thursday. I think. So you’re probably reading this on Saturday. Or maybe Friday. I’m gonna be honest, I really don’t know how distribution of any of this stuff works. I just kinda write whatever comes out of my ass and then hit send. Very scientifically unscientific. Today’s lesson: The American higher education system. College. Best four years of your life. You hope. Or you’re some sort of bum who spends the vast majority of their time locked in their room playing minecraft. If that’s still a thing. Do people play minecraft? I kinda thought it was a 3-5th grade kinda deal. Not sure. I’m usually too busy crushing everything else to play videogames. (Yeah right). Anyways, I found myself in a dilemma of sorts the other day. I sat on my couch, and pondered the question with the most elusive answer. What do I know? Seriously, as a junior in college, (Oh man you know I’m a junior and you now know I am indeed in college. Good for you. That narrows it down to just over 5 million people. Good luck buttercup.) What do I know? Like quite honestly, I’m fucking stoked that my anthropology class taught me about sexual norms of the Brazilian tribal people. But like, dawg, how the fuck does that help me with anything? I mean, honestly. Are you fucking serious? I got pop’s dropping 65 g’s a year so I can gain a better understanding as to why the chieftain in Brazilian tribal villages get’s first go so they don’t have to deal with sloppy seconds. Sweet. So now, next time I have a phone screen interview, and I get the unavoidable “Tell me about yourself and education?” question dropped on me, I can hit that HR bitch back with a “I feel that my educational experience has given me an exceptional understanding of… jungle sex.” Speaking of HR, what happens if you’re having an affair with someone in HR? Like if you’re getting loose in the janitorial closet with Brenda from human resources who the fuck does your desk mate Becky report you to? This is why I don’t understand why CEO’s and people in position’s of significant power within corporations keep getting fired for sexual misconduct. Like our boy Matt Lauer, for example. I’m not sure who/where the initial complaint came from, but you know that shit went through HR at some point. Like yo, Matt, just fuck the HR chick. It’s like being in bed with the cops in a 3rd world country. You can do whatever the fuck you want and you’re chilling because you got protection. Instead, Lauer was probably some dumbass and sent a pic of his chode to the cute intern who just got hired to be a PA. 6 months removed from the jay school at USC, this babe probably bugged out when she saw Matt Lauer sext her a shot of his wiener, and you know she went straight to fucking Brenda. Dammit Brenda, you’re a narc. Enough of this nonsense, back to school. It’s like the student body is a bunch of circus animals, except we pay a shitload a year to jump through hoops, and there are never any treats afterwards. Just grade deflation and disappointment. But, let’s get real for a hot sec. Are you really going learn what you need to know to be a successful hedge fund manager taking accounting? I mean sure, you’ll learn some basics, which might help a little a first, but realistically everything you’re gonna need to do on a day to day basis will be learned on site. Disagree? You’re an idiot. You go to take a finance course and let me know how much it helps you on your first day at Goldman. Spoiler alert; it won’t. Maybe it’s just me being overly cynical. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think you should drop out or something drastic, I think college is incredible. And one undoubtedly matures and grows over their four years in college, and I promise you will learn things. I’m just not entirely sure what those things are and how they will help you. College does provide something completely necessary to be successful these days. (Yeah I get that you can be a self-made gajillionaire these days with no college at all, but that’s gotta be like tops 300 people.) College gives you a diploma, which is in reality an arbitrary sheet of paper that signifies you are ready for the workplace. Which is kinda bullshit. But whatever. Go to college. It is incredible. It’s like a four year summer camp with no counselors and a lot of booze. Unreal idea. I just take issue with some of the academic bits. No matter. Time to stop writing before I launch into something else. Go to college. It’s unreal. But most likely a rip-off.


4 comments

  • matt lauer actually had sex with many women who woke up on his office floor, flashed his female colleague, so there actually is a reason why he was fired thank you. other things i agree but sexual harrasment should not be taken lightly and evidently you do

    buttercup
  • The jackson minute… But on paper (gasps)
    And yes I know it could be anyone.. But I just like to think that its jackson
    Also keep these up they’re very interesting to read.

    Marilyn
  • ^^^yea I agree, I’ve had a feeling that these have been him

    Nick Wai
  • These are definitely Jackson. He had the first minute its only right that he got these too. Completely agree❤️❤️❤️

    Chloe Kel

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